Mate value is a term for how good of a potential partner one would be in a long-term romantic relationship. The higher your mate value, the higher the quality partner you can attract. High-value women usually look for high-quality men. Luckily, there are many things a man can do to increase his value as a potential romantic interest.
You do not have to excel at every item on this list, but you can stand out in a few while improving as best you can on the others.
Be a Gentlemen
Being a gentlemen is a really easy way to improve your mate value. There are many little things you can do to work on this one. Start with saying please and thank you. Having good manners is critical for being a gentleman. Table manners are essential, as is general courtesy and respect towards others. Exhibiting good manners is just basic decency, and everyone, male and female, should know this.
Many women like it when men hold the door—at least, the women I know do. Ladies first is always a good idea. Offer your jacket if she is cold. Don’t eat before her food arrives if yours comes first. There are many different things you can do to be a gentleman.
The key to being a gentleman is making her feel safe and cared for. Making sure she gets home ok is a good option. In New York City, it is proper etiquette that if you are walking on the sidewalk and see a person who looks crazy, the gentleman should make sure to walk between the woman and the crazies.
Dress Better
How you dress says a lot about you and your personality. If someone is dressed sloppily and wearing dirty clothes, I would be surprised if they live in a very clean home. When you see a man looking sharp in a nice suit, you might expect that he keeps his house clean and tidy.
You certainly don’t have to always wear a suit, but you should be neat as a minimum standard. Clean your white sneakers and laces. Polish your shoes and boots. Iron or steam your clothes. And seriously, buy clothes that fit you properly or get them altered if needed. Make sure your outfits match, and stop wearing sports jerseys to restaurants. If you are a grown man, you should dress like a grown man.
Show Confidence
Women are attracted to confidence. Exhibiting signs of confidence is a great way to show you are a high value man.
Let’s start by not doing things that signal low confidence. First and foremost, don’t trash talk your exes, don’t play the victim, and don’t be braggadocios. Show them you are a high-quality man; don’t try to convince them with your words. Bragging about your accolades is actually a sign of low confidence. Don’t do that. Confident men do not need to show off.
Another great sign of confidence is not being scared of your downfalls. You don’t have to hide your weaknesses if you are a strong and confident man. Also, confident men are not scared of rejection. Be calm and cool on a date. The easiest way to do that is to not be worried about whether or not they like you and just focus on having a good time.
Be Decisive
Being decisive is part of confidence but I think it is so important that I am going to give it a category of its own.
Make clear choices and do so in a timely fashion. This is one of the easiest ways to increase your mate value.
You can show decisiveness in things as simple as ordering at dinner or drinks. If it takes twenty minutes for you to decide what to eat at a restaurant, what would it look like to plan a vacation with you or where to send your kids to school. Being decisive is a great sign of confidence. Why would someone want to be with a man who can’t make decisions when she is dating intentionally, looking for a serious relationship, and planning for her future? If you can’t decide on things, that will put a great deal of responsibility on the woman leaving everything up to her.
If you can be more decisive, you will present as a better choice for dating to the women you meet.
Have Good Hygiene and Grooming Habits
This one should be obvious, but good grooming and hygiene are critical to exhibiting high quality to the opposite sex. It should also be vital for yourself.
Some clear basics of hygiene are brushing your teeth, scraping your tongue, flossing, bathing regularly, being generally clean, and smelling good. Take care of yourself as much as you can. How can someone expect you to take care of them or a child if you can’t take care of yourself?
Your behavior and habits tell people who you are. You do not want your appearance to tell others that you are a slob, do you?
Grooming is another one you should take care of, not just for women but also for yourself. Get a decent haircut; your hair can transform how you look. Cut your nails, trim your nose hair, pluck the hair out of your ears. Shave your neck even if you have a beard (it helps define your jawline and looks neat). Women put so much effort into how they look, so why shouldn’t you?
Be Generous
Women find generosity attractive. Nobody likes a cheapskate. Be generous and definitely pay on the first date, at least. Being generous signals that you are going to take care of her. It is an instinctual signal that you are willing to share resources. This is so important to mate value.
Many of the women I dated won’t order fries at dinner, but they sure like it when I offer to share mine so they can have a few. sharing is such a good way to make someone feel good, even if it is something as small as your fries.
Most women I know would not go out again with a man who doesn’t pay on the first date. This does not go for all women, of course. One of my best friends is a woman, and she married a man with whom she always split the bill when they were dating. I personally have always paid for dates, and I like this practice.
Lift Weights
Men really care about women’s physical appearance. Women also care about attractiveness, but just not as much as men do. Being physically attractive makes it easier to attract a good-looking woman. Genetics plays a significant role in what we look like, but there are plenty of ways to improve our looks with a little effort. Lifting weights and getting in good physical shape is a great way to enhance your attractiveness. Humans are attracted to people who look healthy. Being in good physical shape looks healthy.
You don’t have to be a bodybuilder, but optimizing your shoulders, for example, is very attractive to women; they like broad shoulders. So putting on a few pounds of muscle can really step things up, not to mention it is a great way to improve your overall health.
Drop Bad Habits
Many of the items on this list will make you more attractive to women but will also be good for you and your well-being. Nothing will be better for you than cutting out bad habits. If you gamble, drink, do drugs, or smoke, consider reducing or eliminating those behaviors. You have no idea how much better you will feel, not to mention that it will make you look better to others.
I personally don’t like to drink, although I did when I was younger. All the women I have dated drink occasionally, but they really like that I don’t drink. I have gotten compliments on this many times, especially from women who dated guys who drank too much. I am in a relationship with a woman now who said to me, “I really like that you don’t drink because I don’t have to worry about you getting drunk and embarrassing me.”
I used to be a heavy smoker, but I quit years ago, and I feel so much better. Not to mention, my clothes don’t smell anymore, I don’t need to run outside to smoke all the time, and my apartment isn’t covered in ashes. You may have some bad habits. Cut them out; it will be good for everyone.
Be Financially Stable
Whether you like it or not, money signals mate value to many women. This does not mean you have to be rich. There are lots of ways to improve your financial status.
First of all if you can figure out a way to make more money, that is always a great idea. Maybe you can work more hours, ask for a raise, or find a company that pays better. You can start a side hustle or get a freelance job to make a few extra dollars when you have spare time.
Aside from making more money, you can also spend it wisely. Stop wasting money on stupid things if that’s a problem for you. Don’t live above your means. Save money if you can and try to avoid racking up debt.
Lose Weight
This definitely won’t apply to everyone, but if you are overweight, losing weight can be the easiest way to become more attractive. At one point, I was overweight and dropped over fifty pounds. I feel much better physically and mentally now that I cut that weight. It was also way easier to lose that weight than I thought it would be. This is a great way to be more attractive, healthier, and feel better.
Don’t overdo weight loss, and make sure to do it in a healthy manner. Eat good natural foods and avoid junk. Get some exercise and don’t overeat. You do not need pills or surgery to lose weight. I know plenty of people who lost massive amounts of weight through behavioral changes only.
Stand Up Straight
Standing up straight makes you look taller, signals confidence, and makes men more attractive. Good posture is definitely one easy way to increase your mate value. I didn’t used to have great posture, but I improved it quickly in one or two weeks. I stood with my head, back, shoulders, butt, and heels against a wall for a minute every day, a few times a day. After a few days, I started to see improvements in my posture, and within two weeks, it was much better.
Program yourself to stand up straight. This is a very manly trait, and you should not overlook it. Posture is important.
Value Education or Learning
Not everyone wants to go to school, and that is fine, but many women, especially educated women, like a man with college degrees. There are many ways to be educated. For example, knowing a skilled trade is a form of education. Reading books, listening to podcasts, or watching documentaries are other ways to learn and grow.
I have three college degrees and am an architect, so formal education was very important to me. I definitely support people who want to get a college education in a field that provides value to society and themselves. I do not support studying at a University to get yourself into student loan debt for a nonsense degree that will not benefit anyone.
Women like competent men. College degrees certainly signal competence, but they are not the only way. Be the best version of yourself you can be. There are different paths to getting there, but improve yourself in all areas, including your brain. I have always had a great deal of respect for those working in construction. They need a lot of knowledge and skill to get good at what they do. On-the-job learning and apprenticeships are also forms of education, as are trade schools. Seek out ways to enhance yourself at work and home whenever you can. Developing your mind, education, and skills is a great way to increase your mate value.
Clean Your Home
I hate that I have to list this one, but cleaning your home is essential to presenting yourself as a high-quality mate choice to a woman. No woman wants to go to a man’s apartment and see that it’s filthy with dirty dishes in the sink. Let’s get it together and go clean your home. You should not leave dirty dishes in the sink or have crumbs on your countertops. You should make your bed every day and have a clean bathroom.
Shockingly, some men would invite a woman over without taking the time to clean their home first. By the way, you should also clean your home even if you aren’t having company. Having a clean home is important for you too.
Furnish Your Home
Your mattress does not go on the floor. You should have a bed frame. You need a table and somewhere for guests to sit. You do not have to go out and spend a lot of money. You can find good-quality used furniture online at a reasonable price. I know plenty of people who have furnished their entire apartments with used items. Otherwise, get affordable new furniture. When I was younger, I completely furnished my whole apartment from Ikea without spending a lot of money.
Also, if you are reading this, you are too old for Star Wars or baseball bed sheets. I have some Kitsch taste in decor, but I do it in a grown-up manner. For example, I have a large movie poster, but I put it in a frame to make it look nice. I have a signed comic book in a case, but I also have some other non-pop culture art that creates a balance.
Listen Better
The absolute easiest thing you can do to signal to a woman that you are a good mate choice is to actually listen to her. Stop just waiting for your chance to talk and going off rambling about sports. Listen to her. Learn about her. Who knows, you may like what you hear.
Improving your mate value is easier than you may think. Be really good at the things you are strong at and do your best to improve your weak points. You don’t have to be perfect, but you can be better.
