Have you ever been on a date with someone who trashes their exes? I have, and I find it concerning. Trash-talking one’s ex is not a good sign, and you shouldn’t do it on a date. It certainly is not going to be a good look and will make it difficult to leave a good impression.
Why You Shouldn’t Bad Talk Your Ex on a Date
You should never bad-talk your ex while on a date because it gives the impression that you have unresolved issues or bitterness about the past relationship. It brings negativity to the date where a date should be a positive experience. It is better to appear cordial rather than spiteful when discussing your exes on dates.
It is natural for discussions of exes to come up when dating. Some people find it off-putting, but I don’t, nor do most of the women I have dated. When the inevitable discussion of exes comes up, try to be as kind and gentle as possible. Avoid name-calling and aggressive comments. And seriously, stop telling everyone that your exes are all crazy.
Avoid Negativity When Discussing Your Ex on Dates
I have a line I always say when discussing why I broke up with an ex-girlfriend. I typically say something like, “She was very nice for someone else.” I tell the women I date that I think highly of my exes and that they have good qualities, but we just weren’t compatible. Isn’t that better than saying your exes are all crazy? You are looking to make a good impression, or at least I hope you are. I do not see how being spiteful would help make a good impression.
Whether we like it or not, we assess each other on a date. How you talk about your ex will go into that assessment. You want to always be the bigger man and take the high road whenever possible. Avoid the disparaging thoughts and keep the night pleasant. Trash-talking will bring negative energy and can ruin the vibe for both of you.
If you trash-talk your exes, the woman you are with might not have a good time on your date because you kept going off on your exes the whole night. This may be a topic of conversation with her friends, probably in a group text that very night. She could go home texting her friends, “Oh my God, I was just on a date with this guy who was trash-talking his ex all night.” Let’s not be that guy, OK, fellas?
The Common Thread in Your Relationships is You
If you tell people that all your exes are crazy, what does that say about you? You chose them, didn’t you? Stop saying so many negative things and focus on facts when you talk about your ex-girlfriends. Please avoid extensive rants about how bad they were, and definitely don’t say you miss them. That isn’t going to go down well.
When you have a problem with all your exes, it makes you look like the problem. So be civilized. There is no reason to harbor any hostility and certainly no reason to share it with the woman you are dating. It’s OK that your past relationships didn’t work out. Let’s stop ruminating and focus on the woman in front of you right now.
Do You Bad Talk Everyone?
When I hear someone with nothing nice to say about others, I might think this is how they talk about everyone. If I ever went on a date with a girl who trash-talked all her exes, I would consider it safe to assume she is going to trash-talk me if we stop seeing each other. People who engage in negativity are often seen as negative people. You probably don’t want to be labeled negative.
If you want to make a good impression, be civilized and speak kindly of others, even if you have some hard feelings about them. You can be diplomatic in your choice of words. You should want to be seen as a high-quality person, so act like one. A gentleman doesn’t bad mouth women from his past. A gentleman would take the high road and show respect.
Trash Talk is a Red Flag
One important thing about dating is that you really should focus on not screwing it up. Sometimes, not messing up is more important than grand gestures. Engaging in bad talking your ex is definitely one way to mess up a date.
People look for red flags when they start dating, and bad-talking your exes is definitely going to be seen as one. Don’t give anyone an excuse to think you are filled with red flags. Avoiding ruining the date should be your biggest goal. As long as you don’t mess up and are polite, you have a much higher chance of getting another date. You don’t want the other person walking away with negative feelings about you.
Also, remember not to say too many nice things either that your date might think you aren’t over your last relationship. So please keep it simple when discussing exes: no extreme emotions, and don’t make it the main focus of conversation. Keep it simple and to the point, but it is better to er on the side of positivity rather than negativity.
Don’t Disparage Your Exes on a Date
Keep your date conversations positive and avoid attacks on your ex-girlfriends. Always be cordial and do your best to make a good impression. It’s a date, not a therapy session. Let’s keep things upbeat and filled with positive energy.
If you aren’t over your ex, you need to work on getting over her. If you are still angry with your ex, you need to work on letting that go. Harboring all this negativity will get you nowhere. Now get out there, go on a date, and keep it classy. Remember, you can look angry or friendly. What do you think is going to make her feel comfortable? Good luck with not looking bitter, and go make a good impression.
